Uncertain.

I cried more than I ate.

After the 3rd time, for a moment of time, I didn’t feel as heavy as how I felt the current days.

Since I knew it wouldn’t last long, I sent an sms to a person, softly in joy.

We “talked”.

In the last one I sent, there were 2 combined. The first one was the one I was wearing a mask. The second one was the one I was trying to express myself honestly.

There was no reply.

—-

They are telling me what to do.

I know it is really the thing I need to do. No doubt about that.

I just can’t.

And this is killing me.

The pressure. The uncertainty. The expectations. The disappointments.

The mess I already put myself in with low-esteem.

—-

I think about my mentor with what he told me long ago. It was something about keeping myself busy so that I don’t have to deal with how I feel, about “not an absolute truth”.

It helped me back then, and I suppose it would help me now.

I… must believe I’m stronger than this.

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