I cried more than I ate.
After the 3rd time, for a moment of time, I didn’t feel as heavy as how I felt the current days.
Since I knew it wouldn’t last long, I sent an sms to a person, softly in joy.
In the last one I sent, there were 2 combined. The first one was the one I was wearing a mask. The second one was the one I was trying to express myself honestly.
There was no reply.
They are telling me what to do.
I know it is really the thing I need to do. No doubt about that.
I just can’t.
And this is killing me.
The pressure. The uncertainty. The expectations. The disappointments.
The mess I already put myself in with low-esteem.
I think about my mentor with what he told me long ago. It was something about keeping myself busy so that I don’t have to deal with how I feel, about “not an absolute truth”.
It helped me back then, and I suppose it would help me now.
I… must believe I’m stronger than this.