This post was written on Saturday, the 19th of November.
It has been a week since my birthday. I’ve been pretty much over my sadness. It’s nice to meet my happy self again.
On Monday (14th), I went to school for Mathematics class, but I was late so I didn’t come in. Then I practiced dance with Dean. It has been only 2 of us for a while. It reminds me of the time when I first asked Dean to teach me dance. Good old time.
Finnish class was next. It’s hard to believe we’re heading toward the end of the course, just when we start to get used to each other and enjoy it. I think I will miss Jimmy – the gentle and fun man who sits next to me, and Wendy – the Mexican woman who is kind and not afraid of asking questions, the most. Ah, and Omar (I think that’s his name), of course, who has been my accompany in the bus station during my long wait there.
On Tuesday (15th), we had Digital Marketing class. Although it’s not mandatory for me, I joined it since it seems like an interesting course, and I probably need more credits to renew my visa anyway. It has been fun. On Saturday (12th), we went to the center of Valkeakoski to record some videos for the PodCast task. On Sunday (13th), we recorded the voice over to put into the final video. We laughed a lot. At some point, I was lying on the bed in mermaid position (as Na named it) just to hold the mic for Na when she talked. It was totally hilarious.
We went to the center to record Lam playing billiard in the afternoon. I played billiard once when I was in secondary school. Although we said it would not be anything serious and just for the sake of recording this time, but I didn’t feel like I should try out again there. Lam stayed there longer to play more, while Na, Long, and I went to Apteekki and Koskikara. We met Lam again in Jysk. Na and I sang “Proud of You” on the way back. ❤
On Wednesday (16th), I met with Mikko K.. It’s been a while since I last met him. Sometime in summer, coincidentally, I had bumped to him when I was on my way to yoga class. We didn’t have time to talk back then since I was in a hurry. This time, we managed to set up an appointment (as he said, it’s funny how usually schedules never fit perfectly). We ate and talked in Wrong noodle bar. He asked how I am. I told him nothing’s going well for me, and I’m losing weight again. He said I don’t look so bad, wondered from where the hell I have weight to lose, and that what’s going on since I was all smiley and happy when he left for Korea. : D I explained I tried hard to not look bad, “fake it till you make it” sort of, also because I would have kept being sad if I let myself drown into it. We exchanged more updates about ourselves, then he led me to Linna through a new path I had never known before. It was nice actually. We agreed to meet more often from now on.
After Finnish class in Linna, I was back to Full House. Phat played guitar after dinner, so Na and I decided to record it. It felt nice. Phat is innocent and fun and cute, like a younger brother I would want to have. He’s out of the tangled net. He’s one of the rare people I feel comfortable to be with right now.
I actually “talked” to G. a little bit. It was weird to talk like that at the beginning of the day. In the end, I told him I will try. Until now, I haven’t told him I haven’t been able to do it. Because, I cannot go against what I want. Because, either way, I will be sad. I’m not going to make any decision. I will just let things go as natural as it is. Can I?
On Thursday (17th), I totally forgot I should have had Digital Marketing class. Therefore, I didn’t set any alarm clock whatsoever and woke up at 12:10p.m. I went to school only to practice dance with Dean. Na went with me to record it. When I watched the videos (Surprised? I watched the videos which have me in it!), I realized how loose my movements are. Better try harder next time.
On Friday (18th – yesterday), I met Doina. I wanted to meet her a lot sooner, but again, the schedules don’t match. We went to Thai Laos for lunch. We talked through the time when we were eating. Things have been changing so much since last time we met. I don’t know if it was because the day was gloomy, or because we were talking about how things have been difficult for both of us, it seems we were in the mist of a hazy sadness. But we have to remember, there’s always a blue sky above us, whether we see it or not. : )
Doina helped me buy ribs in Kauppahalli. The seller asked again and again whether I was sure I wanted to buy 2kg. We laughed and laughed since it seems unbelievable for a small girl like me to buy that big amount of ribs. In the end, I myself turned to be uncertain. But well, I bought it anyway. And actually, I did it correctly. : D I planned to be in Tampere a bit longer, but Doina had to go to work on her final thesis. So I caught the bus to Idea Park, happily carried the gift Doina bought me. ❤
In Idea Park, I met Antti, Dean, and Phat. We hanged around there for a while. I bought what I needed. There’s another thing I wanted to buy but I didn’t. For now, I don’t think I can afford to go for whatever I want in term of money. If I think of how many things I want to buy, the list will be quite long. :”)
The fun part after Antti dropped us off at Full House was when we prepared dinner together. Dean was grinding meat and I was cutting vegetables to prepare for bitter melon soup. Na was preparing broccoli. Phat was hitting the beef with a meat mallet, while Long was giving Phat a massage.
It seems that every time we do things together, it feels really nice. Like today, when we all went to sauna.
It’s kind of lame that I post this entry now. How I feel at this moment is obviously not the same as on Saturday. I wouldn’t ask myself the question of why people need to treat each other so badly, what’s the point in that anymore. I don’t need to try hard to lift my mood up and try to smile anymore. Things come and go. I stay as I am, and be true to myself. What’s gone already gone. What will come will come later. For now, I’m good.