…if you’ve been up all night and cried till you have no more tears left in you – you will know that there comes in the end a sort of quietness. You feel as if nothing is ever going to happen again. – C.S. Lewis

After that day, I feel fine. It’s like my tears swept away all the sadness, anger, hate. There’s place for light and hope again.

I’ve observed myself several days afterwards, just to make sure it’s not temporary. It doesn’t go away, this happiness. I’m pretty much over the whole thing. I read from somewhere that, when you fear something, face it, and you will realize it’s not as scary as you thought. What you fear is actually your imagination. It seems to be my case.

Honestly speaking, it happened so fast that it makes me anxious. I’m afraid when the sensitive period of the month comes again, the negative feelings and thoughts I haven’t been able to totally get rid of will come back and torture me. How I was dragged in. How I became the only one who was suffering, suffocating, struggling to get out.  How I was enduring all that, faking smiles on my face, thinking how good it would have been if I had disappeared, and they must have thought the same. How they forgive themselves so easily…

But well, I’m okay now. That’s what matters, isn’t it? I often forget things. Let me be better forget this also.

After all, Christmas is love. Dip yourself in love. Even if it’s just hope of love, it’s love anyway.

: p


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