Random thoughts.

I felt like writing when I was going to sleep… Well, I have been delaying writing for a while, so I guess I could spare a bit of time for it now.

. I didn’t hate anyone for such a long time. For a while, I thought I would only be uncomfortable with somebody, but never to the point of hate. Some people have the talent of bringing out that bad part of me though. I hated them. I wanted to shout to the face of that greedy and selfish jerk how angry I was, what kind of stupid things those people did, the ridiculous game they played.

I didn’t say a word or do anything. I didn’t cry. I was not sad anymore. I watched myself being angry and saw it passing by, bits by bits. I talked and smiled and laughed and actually enjoyed it.

They are not sorry. There’s no point in me wasting my energy for those people.

There’s something still bugging, since I’m writing about this. It’s like a needle, stick in my heart so deep that the scar is still there even if I managed to pluck the needle out. But it will fade away. I know.

I will live beautifully. No matter how much I’m hurt, I’m not going to turn bad. What goes around comes around. I won’t need to do anything.

Somebody once asked me whether I would be able to stop hating someone if I meet them again. Now I have the answer. Yes, I can.

. I don’t like it when I see a guy likes a girl but on the way to be in a relationship with another girl, just because there’s high possibility that the girl he likes won’t like him back and it seems to be no harm in accepting the love of the other girl. He will hurt this other girl, at least. “If it happens, please tell me you are hurt, too”…

. I don’t like it when people say “I was going to do abc xyz with you, but I didn’t have time”. Great. Super. See how much I mean to you. Know what? This belongs to things I better not know.

. Somebody raised a question of, why is it so that the girls usually play hard to get which makes the guys pour out all of their efforts, and when they belong together the girl would expect to receive the same kind of treatment while the guy would be already exhausted?

I gave it some thoughts. What comes to my mind was, because girls and guys often go against each other, like they are in a battle and there’s only one winner at the end of the game.

Not to blame the guys, but if the things they do for the girls are truly from their hearts, the sincerity should not be changed or become less no matter what stage of the relationship they are in.

I also considered about myself. Maybe I would play hard to get. Maybe I would expect the guy to show how much he’s into me not only in front of me but other people as well. But I will make sure to give out hints of green light. I will definitely say yes if he asks me to be his girlfriend (As a matter of fact, I’m not going to ask the guy first whether he likes me or not, whether he wants to be in a relationship with me. According to my experience, it may affect greatly to the relationship later on. And I don’t think it gets old, the gesture of the guy asking the girl to be his girlfriend). I will try to be true to myself and to my feelings. But if I ever push him away, I hope he won’t just leave.

. It saddens me to see the guys looking down at the girls and/or even their girlfriends. I have the feeling they see relationship as something cheap, something extra, something fun, but not something they would also need to give their contribution.

Screw them.

Love is precious, don’t abuse it. If you are not true and sincere, you will receive just what you give.


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