*and I do not care.

The first thought which came to my mind when I woke up covered my day in gray. What I saw afterward just made it worse.

It shouldn’t have bothered me, but it did.

The whole day, I tried to grab all the chances I could to smile. In class. At meals. While watching A Gentleman’s Dignity. At least, I smiled.

I also tried to find a picture of myself smiling for my profile picture on facebook, but looking at old photos actually made me even sadder. The good times that all passed by. This time two years ago when I was a true Hanoian girl in Vietnam. The period of time that I have the love-hate relationship with. The time when I was working and got for myself one of the best possible friends. The list went on. Happy photos didn’t help, so I took a picture of myself today.

andIdonotcare.png

And I cried.

It was not the first time I cried alone, and it was definitely not the worst.

After that, I felt better.

I don’t deserve to be treated like this. I don’t deserve this pain.

Whatever it is I need to do to protect myself now, I will do it.

❝ The tigers have found me and I do not care. ❞

Charles Bukowski

Known from: sadnesses

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