it felt kind of nice when matti came just to check on how i was on saturday. (it was sunshine and the wind was blowing the greeny leaves)

had i sounded way too sad and frustrated and exploded back then?

anyway. it always feels nice to have somebody who cares about you. not too much of course, just the right amount.

sis sent me an email, just a simple one and asked about the progress, and said that she started, too.

maybe i can do it in parallel with her?

i like the feeling of being connected to my sister. i remember “courage” on her laptop screen. and the way she would go to bed at 9. i miss france, too, the small apartment with the woman who liked to sing. it’s way too far back now… a lifetime away…

but yeah. so yeah.

today i thought about katja question that i usually ask myself as well. ‘what makes you happy?’

thought about, ‘hey, but sometimes i just need to be sad. for a little while’.

and ‘well, okay. just be sad for the time being. take your time as much as you want to. then at some point, ask yourself whether you even want to be like this. if not, then ask again, what makes you happy’.

if you don’t want something, change it.

you see.

as simple as that.


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