in my dream, i said i’m an introvert and a person told me it isn’t a thing.
she asked how could i abandon my obligation for my own selfishness when i didn’t want to meet people i don’t know about and tend to them.
i tried to talk but it felt suffocating, the other person didn’t want to listen to me anyway and kept talking to overwhelm me.
it was like a hit to my identity, as if i would be refused of my existence just like the existence of ‘introvert’.
people every now and then would ask what would be so difficult to go back to that place, adjust myself for a little while and i should be fine.
no, no, and no.
i knew instinctively without quite understand why back then, but the more i think about it the clearer it becomes.
since forever i was scarred to the core for being myself. i was suffocated by all the judgement that was put on me, nobody listened. they firmly believed in what they wanted to believe, in what they thought was right, in the standard of majority.
i followed it through, questioning and doubting my self-worth all along. if i had had chance to go back in time, i would have told my little scared and insecure self, “you are fine the way you are. come here, let me hug you.”, every single time.
just let me be. why do you want to force a fish to live like human. you take it out of the water and it will die. you can’t ask it to climb a tree and judge its ability base on that. it just has different kind of strength.
if you don’t understand, don’t judge.
let me be.