it was a good month.
i signed the job contract, which put myself more at ease. although it was still tiring every time after work, i was getting more used to it and was less restless. need to try to sleep properly though, for better productivity. there was one day when i woke up hating the world and only wanted to stay in bed, a short 8-minute sleep under the warm and comfy blanket was a rescuer.
what i came back to study was responsive web design. it was something i was interested in for a long time, so i thought it was time to put it back to focus. i met Tram Anh, who gave me tips of an insider. it was helpful, and i felt encouraged and inspired. long way to go, but certainly possible.
there didn’t seem to be any dramas interesting enough for me to watch this month (well, there was one starring Moon Chae-won, but the plot didn’t seem solid), so i watched more movies – mostly Japanese. i liked Ruokala Lokki, which combined nicely Finnish and Japanese cultural elements. too bad the restaurant in real life in Helsinki wouldn’t offer the same food in the movie. and Sweet Bean (An) was beautiful, the kind of movie that makes you cry unknowingly.
Hồi Phục by Phan Hồn Nhiên was the fiction book for this month. i didn’t like it much though. it gave off a cold, cruel, and hopeless feeling. as for non-fiction, i was reading one but it was rather long and i needed to be in a specific condition to read it, so i didn’t finish it on time.
my relationship was good. it had its ups and downs just like any other couples, but we gradually came to a place where we were both comfortable being alone and being together. i struggled with the doubts in my heart, and finally i understood how it could be incredibly difficult for people to manage the balance between closeness and distance for a relationship to work. all of us human have different levels of need for closeness and distance, it hardly matches, and it changes even by days. fortunately for me that both of us are introverts, so it took a bit of time to adjust but i got it – we need our alone time to recharge and do our own plans, and this in no way means that we don’t like the other person and don’t want to meet or spend time with the other person again. we simply need this space in order to breathe and to grow. when we were away from each other, i liked the gentle feeling when i missed him (when i did miss him, that is. there were times when i didn’t, because i had things to do). there are all sorts of possible feelings when you are in a relationship, and i don’t think it is necessary or healthy to miss the other person feverishly every single waking seconds of the day. and i learned to trust – trust that this man is a righteous person who is in a committed relationship with me, trust that he would be there for me and he got my back. who knows what the future will bring, but for now, we like each other, care about each other, and want to be with each other, and have the will to work things out together. this is all i have ever wanted.
everything seems to be falling into places. i’m grateful.
Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.
— Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters