i couldn’t sleep last night.

my whole body went cold again, and my head was running wild with thousands of worries and thoughts.

after two hours, i reached for my phone. i called Doina and MattiK. they didn’t pick up.

then MattiK answered me on whatsapp. i asked whether i could call him, he said ok, so i did.

we talked for a while. then since i still didn’t feel like i could sleep, he suggested me to go for a walk, he would still talk to me. so i did.

i went to the lake. it was dark (since, well, 1a.m). the sky full of stars were sparkling above my head. there was a layer of fog floating above the lake surface. the air was crisp. everything was beautiful and quiet.

we talked a bit about me, a bit about him, a bit about the cold, the trees, swimming, stars, city lights, Northern Lights, hare… all the lighthearted and non-lighthearted, all the little things.

i felt better.

it was nice to have somebody to talk to, someone who appreciated the same thing i did, who didn’t go through the same thing as i do and didn’t fully understand me, but acknowledged my feelings without judgement, without nudging me to ‘just get over it’.

i felt calmer, more at ease. and grateful.

thank you. for sticking with me even when i was least lovable.