What happened to innocence?

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Kim Yoo Jung and Baro being cute ♡

Recently there was a news about the possibility of Kim Yoo Jung and Baro dating. What made me feel unpleasant wasn’t the fact that they might be dating for real (they aren’t), but how people reacted to it. Most people said it was disgusting if it was real, that Baro must have deceived and manipulated her. I agree Yoo Jung is still a minor (she was born in 1999, 15 years old) and she should be protected, but since when the world has to be all serious and everything has to be so dark? I remember when I was 15, all I saw about the opposite gender if I felt attracted to them was their beautiful eyes and their gentle smiles. Maybe I wanted to hold their hands, but that was about it (not even hug). Of course the new generations are growing much faster but it doesn’t mean innocence is dead. Do we really need to say we’re disgusted when we see two young people liking each other? They should be aware of the serious consequences if things ever go further than it should and be absolutely sure how to protect themselves away from it, but it doesn’t mean they should stop having fluttering feelings for each other when it comes, because really, it’s one of the most beautiful things of the youth.

Talking about this reminds me of the time when it was known that Jacob (Twilight) liked Bella’s daughter. Many people had a hard time accepting it, concentrating on the fact that Renesmee was only a baby at the time when Jacob fell in love with her. To be honest, I was confused. To me, it was totally understandable and acceptable, because he fell in love when he looked at her eyes, and because they had this special connection through their souls that I didn’t quite get why people would oppose to it. At the time, I didn’t understand about the fuss, I thought if he felt that one-of-a-kind connection, it was natural as a given for him to be in love. Only later on I kind of grasped the idea that physical attraction and age could be issues here. Strangely, or not, it didn’t come to my mind at all at first, it took me a while to figure out. I don’t want to change my mind though. Not that I’m a fan of platonic love or any labels of the kind, I just feel that everyone deserves to be in love – the kind of genuine love that comes from their hearts, no need for excuse, no matter what the boundaries are.

These days I just feel like writing a lot about my thoughts. I didn’t feel like doing it much since, well, what’s the point? And I don’t like conflicts and being judged. But whatever, it’s okay. I suppose I just need to learn to not take everything to heart, to come to term with the fact that I’m just an ordinary human being with flaws and it’s okay. People believe what they want to believe. Sometimes they don’t care about me, they care more about their opinions to be understood – and it’s okay too.

It’s a bit of a pity that I didn’t write down my thoughts more earlier. It’s a bit exhausting to organize thoughts and put them to proper words, but if I don’t write down I will forget. If I write down, even when the time comes and I eventually forget, it feels like these thoughts will still be there and won’t disappear easily.

And times like this, I actually like the part of me that is still innocent, naïve, pure, the part that leans toward light and believes in it. Sun. Light.

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17.2.2013.

I got seriously angry yesterday when Louis bashed Ellen Page for her speech. When I first saw what he posted on facebook, my first reaction was to hide his post and move on with my life. But then it still bothered me so much. He said she was just a mediocre actress at best who just wanted attention after a while not being able to make anything entertaining, that she made herself too important, that she wouldn’t be discriminated whatsoever because she’s in Hollywood, that she should donate her money and get out there to help real people with real problems. I was greatly disappointed. From what I had been seeing from his facebook, I thought he would understand that everyone has their own problems, it’s unfair and cruel to tell another person that their problems are nothing to begin with since there are other people who have it worse. “Just because one person’s problem is less traumatic than another’s doesn’t mean they’re required to hurt less”. And we don’t live their lives, we can’t make assumptions base on how we see it and how we want to see it. Everyone has the right to choose their lives, they are entitled to make the sacrifices they are capable of, they shouldn’t have to throw their hard-earned money away or risk their lives just to prove their opinions and feelings are valid. Being an actress, whether or not she’s a great one, shouldn’t affect the truth that she’s also a human being. Why was it necessary to bash her? I watched her speech again and again, and what I saw was an inspiring message asking people to treat each other nicer, an empathizing message to people like her to love themselves, to allow themselves to love because it’s a beautiful thing. I didn’t see her making herself more important than anyone else, she said she was gay rather quietly I almost didn’t hear it. Her voice was shaking especially toward the end but she made it anyway. I’ve seen people struggle so hard about their sexuality. What are you to tell them their suffering is nothing and they’re making themselves too important? Where are your nice words about living positively, “be a witness, never be a judge”? They are normal people just like everyone else and should be treated like one, but that very basic human right doesn’t come to them naturally and they are not even allowed to come out and encourage each other? And I don’t see anything wrong with her timing. If there’s anything, it should be the fact that it was on Valentine’s Day, the day we were supposed to toast for love.

The previous time I got sad because of another thing totally unrelated to me was about Flappy Bird. I first knew about the game when people from different locations in the world talked about it a lot on tumblr. Then I knew the creator of the game was Dong Nguyen – a Vietnamese, and I was kind of proud and happy, until all the negative things flooded in and he decided to take the game down. It was unbelievable to see how people can turn so ugly to a person who created a game for other people to enjoy. I kept thinking why people need to be so angry and insensitive, to the point of wishing another human being to die or get something bad happen to his life when he didn’t do any harm to anyone. I kept thinking about the government who was so quick to think of calculating the tax thoroughly instead of recognizing, encouraging, protecting a talented person. And from all what I saw, he just appeared to me as an introverted person with good manners. However he decided to do with his game and his life was his own responsibility, he chose what suited him best. We were not him to decide how he should live his life, how to deal with success and money and tax and life-threatening. Who are we to know and judge.

I decided to not read anything on facebook anymore. If I could, I would deactivate my account already. I still need it to get updated for school courses and communicate with teammates, so I’ll hang in there a little more. But it’s so tiring and disappointing. It really is.

25 and a bit wiser.

Some realizations when turning 25.

. Doesn’t matter what other people do, just concentrate on your own life. Live it well.

. Be grateful for every single thing. Family and friends. Normally functional body and not bad looking face and small little pieces of beauty, a roof over the head, a warm and dry place to stay, food to eat, clothes to wear.

. What’s affordable for you might not be applicable for other people. What you think is best might not be necessary to others.

. Youth and all of its perks will disappear someday. There will be wrinkles, the brain will lose its memories, the body will get heavier. Little by little, people won’t pay attention to you anymore. You haven’t known any of these your whole life, but now you do. So take photos of yourself whenever you want to, wear the dresses that you like, learn the fun dance you saw the other day,… Do everything your body still allows you to function as it’s supposed to. And most importantly, be kind and attentive to your grandparents, parents, and every elders who cross your life.

. “Hợp tan là lẽ thường tình”. Even if you stay at one place, people will still come and go. So just go, just go, to wherever you want to…

When there’s a problem, face it. I want to weed out all of my negativity, left myself free, and wrap myself up with all the happiness possible.

20.10.2013.

Sống ở bên này lâu, mình đã dần quên khái niệm về ngày 20 tháng 10 và 8 tháng 3 rồi. Ngày bình thường đã là rất tốt, được lắng nghe và được tôn trọng. Giúp đỡ thì ít, dù nói ra thì sẽ được giúp thôi, nhưng quan trọng là phải tự mình trước.

Mình thấy cứ mỗi lần đến hai ngày này, trước thế và bây giờ vẫn vậy, là phái mày râu của Việt Nam lại châm biếm phái nữ. Mấy câu đùa như kiểu dù có FA nhưng trước ngày này thì nhất quyết không được có bạn gái và nhiều kiểu đùa khác, mình rất ghét. Nhiều khi cũng chẳng phải là đùa đâu. Giống như phái nam nghĩ rằng ngày này là ngày phái nữ “đòi hỏi” còn phái nam thì phải “nhún nhường” dù trong lòng không muốn. “Tôn vinh” gì mà thấy như bị xúc phạm thế. : )

Ở Việt Nam có hai ngày dành cho nữ giới, một ngày quốc tế và một ngày của riêng Việt Nam. Nói về ý nghĩa lịch sử thì mình không thấy có gì là sai cả. Cái sai nhất, theo mình, là thái độ của phái nam đã khiến phái nữ ngay cả trong ngày của mình cũng không có được sự tôn trọng đáng ra phải là hiển nhiên. Không phải mình ở nước ngoài rồi thì lên giọng lớn lối, mà điều rõ ràng là thái độ của phái nam bên này khiến mình thấy mình được tôn trọng mỗi ngày, nên ngày Quốc tế Phụ nữ cũng chỉ cần một câu chúc, không có gì để đòi hỏi hơn nữa cả.

Mà thật ra, nữ giới cần gì? Mình thì, chỉ cần những tình cảm chân thành và ấm áp.

Random thoughts.

I felt like writing when I was going to sleep… Well, I have been delaying writing for a while, so I guess I could spare a bit of time for it now.

. I didn’t hate anyone for such a long time. For a while, I thought I would only be uncomfortable with somebody, but never to the point of hate. Some people have the talent of bringing out that bad part of me though. I hated them. I wanted to shout to the face of that greedy and selfish jerk how angry I was, what kind of stupid things those people did, the ridiculous game they played.

I didn’t say a word or do anything. I didn’t cry. I was not sad anymore. I watched myself being angry and saw it passing by, bits by bits. I talked and smiled and laughed and actually enjoyed it.

They are not sorry. There’s no point in me wasting my energy for those people.

There’s something still bugging, since I’m writing about this. It’s like a needle, stick in my heart so deep that the scar is still there even if I managed to pluck the needle out. But it will fade away. I know.

I will live beautifully. No matter how much I’m hurt, I’m not going to turn bad. What goes around comes around. I won’t need to do anything.

Somebody once asked me whether I would be able to stop hating someone if I meet them again. Now I have the answer. Yes, I can.

. I don’t like it when I see a guy likes a girl but on the way to be in a relationship with another girl, just because there’s high possibility that the girl he likes won’t like him back and it seems to be no harm in accepting the love of the other girl. He will hurt this other girl, at least. “If it happens, please tell me you are hurt, too”…

. I don’t like it when people say “I was going to do abc xyz with you, but I didn’t have time”. Great. Super. See how much I mean to you. Know what? This belongs to things I better not know.

. Somebody raised a question of, why is it so that the girls usually play hard to get which makes the guys pour out all of their efforts, and when they belong together the girl would expect to receive the same kind of treatment while the guy would be already exhausted?

I gave it some thoughts. What comes to my mind was, because girls and guys often go against each other, like they are in a battle and there’s only one winner at the end of the game.

Not to blame the guys, but if the things they do for the girls are truly from their hearts, the sincerity should not be changed or become less no matter what stage of the relationship they are in.

I also considered about myself. Maybe I would play hard to get. Maybe I would expect the guy to show how much he’s into me not only in front of me but other people as well. But I will make sure to give out hints of green light. I will definitely say yes if he asks me to be his girlfriend (As a matter of fact, I’m not going to ask the guy first whether he likes me or not, whether he wants to be in a relationship with me. According to my experience, it may affect greatly to the relationship later on. And I don’t think it gets old, the gesture of the guy asking the girl to be his girlfriend). I will try to be true to myself and to my feelings. But if I ever push him away, I hope he won’t just leave.

. It saddens me to see the guys looking down at the girls and/or even their girlfriends. I have the feeling they see relationship as something cheap, something extra, something fun, but not something they would also need to give their contribution.

Screw them.

Love is precious, don’t abuse it. If you are not true and sincere, you will receive just what you give.

Please be happy and spread it around.

There’s a post from tumblr that I want to share it again here.

“I do, however, see a lot of aversion going on around me.

Charlie Sheen became an overnight meme on the internet and a catch-all social reference in conversation while the earthquake, tsunami and subsequent nuclear disasters were happening in Japan. Have you ever noticed there’s always something very small and distracting that becomes very popular during disasters in remote places? Whenever I wake up to a Twitter feed that’s full of references to Justin Bieber’s new haircut or a pop singer’s nude pics, I wonder what war started while I was sleeping.

Also, comment below if you’ve ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend who could not stand to watch the news because it was too depressing. (Statistically speaking, there will be more comments about a girlfriend who couldn’t watch the news since women have been scientifically proven to have a greater capacity for empathy.) On the other hand, I force myself to watch the horrors of the world and feel completely paralyzed with the sadness that I feel. I feel like making records is such a vain luxury in the context of the greater human suffering in the world—especially when we’re scheduled to play Japan in May and it hasn’t been cancelled yet. I imagine myself standing on a stage and trying to communicate love and hope and loss and beauty to a bunch of people that have been through more than I can imagine. To me, it seems borderline offensive. By the same token, even trying to talk about or sell our new record right now seems heartless.

On the other hand, when I think about trying to raise money for the victims of the tsunami, I feel like I’m trying to become the face of altruism or something. Do you ever feel that way? Crushed, helpless and impotent in the face of an event? Here is where I think empathy actually starts to become problematic: When your connection to other people goes beyond compassion and into a kind of nervous collapse. When I was younger—say high school-age—I had this happen to me constantly. Any horrible thing that happened anywhere in the world would make me feel like I shouldn’t be allowed to have happiness on that day.

More than anything, I fear that most people in the world are losing the empathic trait and becoming more cutthroat, more self-interested and more focused on the bottom line—socially acceptable psychopaths set loose to run the world. In fact, a new University of Michigan study shows that children today show 40 percent less empathy than those of the 1980s. This is a shocking figure, considering that empathy is learned at a very early age. It’s basically an extension of “monkey-see, monkey do”: we see our parents’ emotions and mirror them back as a way to learn how to experience and express emotion. So to be lacking in such a basic trait seems hard to believe. But as I was feeling more and more discouraged by the state of the world, the tragedy in Japan, everyone’s utter lack of empathy and my own absurdly self-destructive empathy orgy, I came across this in The Wall Street Journal about compassion training in Buddhist Monks:

“Using the brain scan called functional magnetic resonance imaging, the scientists pinpointed regions that were active during compassion meditation. In almost every case, the enhanced activity was greater in the monks’ brains than the novices’. Activity in the left prefrontal cortex (the seat of positive emotions such as happiness) swamped activity in the right prefrontal (site of negative emotions and anxiety), something never before seen from purely mental activity. A sprawling circuit that switches on at the sight of suffering also showed greater activity in the monks. So did regions responsible for planned movement, as if the monks’ brains were itching to go to the aid of those in distress.”

This would seem to me that we can not only train compassion, but train willingness to act! That’s exactly what I need!”*

I felt like crying when I was reading it.

I remember a while ago, also from tumblr, I know this phrase: “Everything is beautiful and nobody is happy”**. When you look around, do you find it true?

There are so many sad things. Some of them we experience it on our own. Some of them are far, which happen to people we don’t know but we could feel wholeheartedly sorry for them.

In any case, I personally believe that I should be happy and lucky for every little things I have, that I should not take anything for granted. And this spirit can be transferred to people around me. And there will be more happiness in this world.

You may think one person cannot change anything, think how you solely can make a difference. However, everything has to have a start. If you think you can’t, there are other people who think they can’t, too. If you think you can, there are other people who think they can, too. “Be the change you want to see in the world“.***

So please, live this happy life. You may not know it, but you will make others happy, too.

 

 

 

*Geoff Rickly (via loveyourchaos)

**Anonymous

***Mahatma Ghandi

Cameras.

I bought my very first camera in December 2010. I had always wanted to have a camera like that on my own. Furthermore, I was going to my sister’s wedding, and I wanted to take pictures for it. At that time, those 2 reasons were equally important. When they were added up together, there was nothing to hold me back.

Then I asked Duc about what kind of camera I should buy. We talked from about 11p.m to 3a.m, or more, I don’t remember. Because Rajala (a professional shop, which usually have high price for its stuffs) had a discount for a Canon 500D + 18-55 lens, we decided it would be the best for me. At around 5p.m the same day, it was mine.

I had great fun with it during my sister’s wedding. I think I was the only one who took the picture from the beginning when we were preparing, until the end when my sister and her husband opened their gifts. For that, I was very happy. In a way, during the whole trip, I enjoyed it more because of the camera. It added spices, without distracting what we did. It captured the moments. That’s what I like about photography. It captures the moments.

After that, I also bought the Canon 50mm f/1.8 and Tamron 17-50. They are both good lenses, and I still use the 50mm most of the time.

This is my Canon 500D with the 50mm f/1.8 lens. I borrowed Nhung's camera (which is Canon 550D) to take this photo. I told her it looks like a tree has grown from my camera. :p

Then, I was attracted by something from the past – the film cameras. In June 2011, I got 2 new friends – Black Bird, Fly in red (which I often call bbf), and Usagi Color. They are both from SuperHeadz, Japan.

Some people don’t get the point why I want these cameras when I already have a very good digital camera which I have nothing to complain about. When I told Harri about the difference in the color, he didn’t buy the story. When he saw the photos and was convinced, then Doina said, “Okay, if you like this kind of photos”.

What’s from them that I like so much?

You may or may not have realized, but I will tell you now that both of the film cameras I have, they are toy cameras. Ever since I stepped into this photography field, I haven’t received much guidance from anyone but myself. So then, it’s just natural for me to get whichever that comes and attracts me. I was attracted by the concept of bbf (you may, too, if you go in the website and read about it), then SuperHeadz in general. During the process, Usagi Color came, since I happen to take the scenery photos often, and I wanted to have a wide angle film camera. (I don’t know yet if the part of “being alone” here is a good or bad thing. It’s very frustrating, and sometimes I badly want to have somebody to help. But most of the things I know now, they are mine.)

Being toy cameras means they are 100% plastic. They are small and light. If you have a DSLR camera with some lenses and get used to it, you will be surprised how these film cameras can fit nicely in your pocket. You may even forget they are there during the day.

With Usagi Color, I don’t need to adjust any settings. Simply point and shoot.

Usagi Color

With bbf, I can do more with it. Choosing between cloudy and sunny mode, how long the shutter opens, how far the focus should be, and taking double (or more) exposures. Because it is a twin-lens reflex camera, I enjoy taking the photos with the camera hold at my waist level. I find it more fun that way, although of course I can hold it just like any other common camera and nobody would stare at me.

Black Bird, Fly

When Emo told me about the fact that we would never know exactly how the photos will come out, that it will take us forever to finish one roll film, and that we will treasure it more because of those “disadvantages”, I kind of got it but not so sure. She actually didn’t mean about my “toy cameras” because she was talking about the real film cameras, but I could say I understand what she talked back then. I experienced it, and I like it that way.

The photos that were taken by the film cameras are very different.

The photographs will be serene, silent, slow. – http://www.superheadz.com/bbf/

When I look at this kind of photos, it’s as if time is frozen. Everything stands still for a moment, then it’s gone. It’s the nostalgia feeling that I usually have, seeing all of these beautiful moments passing by in a blink of an eye, nothing can hold them back. Seeing the youngest, freshest, craziest, wildest years of my life, going away. This kind of photos, it contains the feeling I have. “Beautiful things are sad”.

Usagi Color. In the bus to the office every early morning. Not anymore.

I think part of the reason why I have that feeling from film photos is because they don’t have the sharpness like the digital ones. Photos from digital camera, for me, is a bit too… clean. My memory and the images I have in my head won’t be that clear if I look back to the past. In this sense, the minus point in a digital camera becomes a plus point for a film one. And I don’t see it as a bad thing. There will be time when I need the sharpness for my photos. I will need to see immediately how the photos turn out, in order to take another one if needed, without worry about the taken one which might be a failure. Like when I need a camera for a wedding like Doina stated, for example. If I can choose only one to bring to the wedding, I will take my Canon 500D. But knowing me, you can be sure to see me with my film cameras too, if I still have space to put them in. : p

Usagi Color & Black Bird, Fly. Taken by my Canon 500D.

So for now, for every single time I go out, I bring all of them with me and take photo depending on how I feel. I haven’t thought much of how I will change with this photography thing, but I guess there won’t be much at this point. I haven’t had good experience with printing the film photos out (they couldn’t print the full format from bbf, and the photos they put in my usb are bad), but I’ll see what I can do.

After all, this whole photography idea is supposed to be fun and memorable, right? To capture the moment, that’s it. It should not go too far from this purpose.

Apology.

One of my friends posted 2 quotes to her status on facebook about “sorry” and asked people what they think. Most people seem to hate this word. They think it is such an empty one. Rather than saying it, just don’t do things you will be sorry for.

I think about it a bit differently.

Of course I don’t like it when people do something bad and they say sorry just to cover it up. Then it doesn’t mean anything but a lie. I really don’t want that.

However, in some cases, I just need a “sorry”. Because, sometimes, things happen. Or we end up hurting each other because of how different we are. Or we didn’t know and didn’t understand how wrong it was until somebody explains.

Then, a “sorry” will be hope. The hope of something new and better. Then depending on how much we value the person, we can put an end to a relationship, or move it forward.

But we need a “sorry” first. Honestly. Truthfully. Sincerely.

—-

Carrie: I got an e-mail from Big. “I don’t know what to say.”. Uu, then don’t send an e-mail.

Miranda: What were you expecting?

Carrie: And in the subject box, two words: “I’m sorry.”

Miranda: Ugh. Steve is all about the “I’m sorry.”. “I’m sorry” e-mails, “I’m sorry” voice mails, “I’m sorry” flowers, “I’m sorry” cards. How about, don’t do anything to be “I’m sorry” for?

Carrie: Well, maybe he’s sorry.

Miranda: Well, maybe so is Big.

– from Sex and the City the movie.