No, not really. But there’s no perfect time ever to be ready. So let’s do it!
Today I talked to Oanh on Skype for about an hour, and I went out in the afternoon. It felt good. Like, really, it helped a lot with my mood.
There are couple of things I always forget to write about. First, I had another photo being explored on BeFunky. Second, Le Trang hugged me when she visited Valkeakoski on Sunday with Hieu.
Oh, and Sofia got into Axxell! It’s the happiest news today!
And I broke the Air Wick but still got it to work, ha!
I don’t remember whether I said this, but I was super lazy for the last couple of days. I slept a lot, ate very little. I lost motivation to do anything useful at all. I miss Karjaa way too much and I miss being with people who I know and are nice to me. Valkeakoski is beautiful as ever but I’m just sad. Like a sad lonely fish swimming, or floating to be more exact, in a vast deep ocean…
Well, at least today I tried to eat more and on time, did more things, was less frustrated with myself. It all started with standing up. From the bed, from the laptop. If I miss Karjaa that much, I should be able to get back to that healthy lifestyle.
Just like the question “Why are people so angry?” yesterday, today the question “What is scaring you the most about getting old?” struck me. I’m scared of getting old. Probably the fact that living alone has something to do with it. This is not the first time this fear comes. I wrote my answer, “Not being able to do things by myself, and there’s no one to help”.
I should do everything I want to while I still can.
I’ve been super lazy. But spending time online bores me and sleeping too much tires me. Walking out was good though.
I kind of want to spend time with someone. Being lazy together, like lying down on the grass and falling asleep just like that. It’s summer and it should be warm enough during the day.
. It has been gloomy for the last couple of days. Rainy, windy, and cold. Finally today it came a little bit of sunshine, blue sky, and a rainbow!
. “You’re the Best, Lee Soon Shin” is a bit exaggerating. It has a simple story line which is quite predictable. I initially started watching it only because of IU. I have grown to like it a lot though. I like the cast and I like how it encourages me to live a life of kindness – the kind of life that recently I found to be right for me. I’m not exceptionally beautiful or intelligent or creative. I’m also a difficult person indeed. But I want to try to be kind always. At least I can do that.
. Craving for food at night is a bad habit I shouldn’t pick up. >”<
I’m not a fan of fast food but I kind of like the chicken wings and french fries from a store nearby. My schedule has been weird lately. I have been lazy to cook and to eat (apparently I haven’t adjusted very well to life after Lärkkulla – the life of on-time meals plus afternoon coffee every weekdays), so I think I should start with something I like and fast. My option is clear.
I haven’t been blogging for a while. After leaving Karjaa, I didn’t have Internet connection at home, and I was in a whirlwind of settling down with the new apartment, visa application, account at school, etc. I thought I wouldn’t be too sad while being such a busy bee, plus I met many nice customer service people, but I still was, and still am. Having some days with Linh and having Doina and Jani coming to help me with moving my belongings yesterday helped though. It felt almost normal again.
Finally I was able to go through the photos I took during the last day at Lärkkulla, filtered them, and uploaded them to facebook. When I received the comments and likes and shares from people, it was as if I was there again, being accepted and surrounded by warm gentle love. Doina was right about me not being all that happy to be back here to Valkeakoski, to the place where all my friends left and the rest is not very close (or better-not-meet even). But it’s better than staying in Karjaa where everything is familiar but nothing is ever the same again. And what do I do there? I don’t know. I love many places (e.g. the flower shops) but I can’t speak Swedish and my Finnish is not that great neither. At least I have some purposes here in Valkeakoski. And Doina is glad to have me back.
From now on, I can’t use the Auto Detect feature to get my Location at Lärkkulla address again.
But hey, let’s have a new start!
. Filip R. smiled and said hi to me in the morning at breakfast. It was nice to see him back at school. He asked how I was and we talked a little bit about where he went.
. We were supposed to have a picnic after a tour to Raseborg Castle, but it was raining so we only had a quick lunch. But the tour around the Raseborg castle was fun indeed! Our guide was the most humorous guide I have ever met! I laughed the whole time! When he told a story, he even made us each to be one of the character or thing (e.g. fighting boat), and sang when it was suitable. Didn’t know a castle tour could be so fun and interesting.
. I had the last sauna at Lärkkulla with Oanh, Diana, and shortly with Rita. Even it’s the last week, it has been really empty. Most of the music students are taking entrance exams away from school, and many people from the language program left already. I still remember the days when the girls were singing in the sauna and the boys were practicing in the studio, it was so lively and full of sounds and smiles. Diana also said there’s sauna at her boyfriend’s place, but it will not be the same as it was here. Well, what could ever be the same again?
The sun was shining already when I woke up in the morning. In the far back, the cloud seemed dark though. I thought it was going to rain. But then it turned out to be a brilliant spring morning. Everything felt fresh and lively.
After a half an hour in class with Anna, I went to watch a football match. It was between Lärkkulla students and some students from a Finnish-speaking high school here in Karjaa. We won!
In the afternoon, we had ruoka päivä in which we made something to introduce food from our country. We ate and talked and then some of us played games.
After afternoon coffee, I went to the center with Oanh to return books to the library. On our way, I showed her the first lily-of-the-valley flowers this year. I realized how tired I was while having dinner. Felt like it was less tiring yesterday after going to the center with Khoa and Mette to pick up boxes and buy food to prepare for ruoka päivä today. Must be because I wasn’t going around as much.
Then cleaned up the kitchen, uploaded the photos. There’s still this work of packing waiting.
And here comes the sadness again…
Ah, the cleaning lady who talks to me the most talked to me again today in the morning. At first she exclaimed about the fact that this week is our last week. Then she asked about where I’m going to, where I’m from, whether I have good family. She also told me to remember to use Finnish, because not only it’s needed to stay here but also because it will give me better salary. The thing which made me surprised the most was, she kept telling me “niin surullinen tyttö”. I think she was saying I have been being so sad… If that way I understood her correctly, then she reminded me of Maija because they both could realize when I’m sad. I didn’t think I showed it way too obviously because I have been really happy and grateful for every single moment… Anyway, I hugged her and I said thank you. Oh really, what did I do to be so loved? How will I be able to handle the goodbyes?