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i was rather anxious today.

maybe i was overthinking again.

well, everyone said i would be able to do well, no matter what it is. not sure why i’m the only person who’s skeptical every single time.

thought about my graceful, calm, gentle, smart role models and whispered to myself, “you can do it, Chi. absolutely.”

thought about Card Captor Sakura episode the other day and what Kero said, “it wasn’t the card doing”, while the kids were having those cards which they thought were helping them achieving their goals. “believe you can and you’re half way there“, that’s it. have faith in yourself.

and remember to breathe.

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in the mailbox today:
cute mirror with embroidered back that i won from Oh Comely giveaway
and beautiful postcards that they kindly sent me extra.
◡‿◡✿

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. shallow sleep. weird dreams…

. after all these years, Card Captor Sakura still gives me lots of feels. friendship, family, innocent romance, courage, bravery,…

. i miss GPD. i miss working there with the people i met. Doina, Brown, Harri, Mikko,… the clients, the IT assist, even the salmon with orange sauce. it was Doina’s dream job back then. it is my dream job now.

. Nhung sent me a birthday postcard all the way from Vietnam again this year. made me happy.

our time in Finland is a strong bond. how precious.

♡

141124 #dream

Joo Won from Naeil’s Cantabile (?!?! i watched only 3 episodes of this drama a while ago when it first started, i didn’t even like his hair in it)

broke away from his wife (?!?!) who was a powerful person in the industry

carried the luggage up to the first floor of our family’s house

“don’t worry. my earning alone will be enough for us.”

held my hands

cup my face in his hands

a gentle kiss

i told my mom,

“i don’t need much. just a job with decent income. and this happiness.”

“all right.”

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. in the dream last night, i tried to take a picture of the blue sky with pink clouds from the sunset. at a balcony of a tall building, there were my grandmother and my family. what happened before that was kind of scary, but somehow i was only stressed, or rather uncomfortable, without being afraid. it felt okay when i woke up.

. physically however, i didn’t feel very well. i thought of canceling the plan but then i tried to ignore the thought and pushed forward. it ended up very nice. Antti paid for my hot chocolate with cream, and the extra ‘belated birthday gift’ was a soy sauce bottle which i was hesitated of buying. not that i’m extremely fond of food as gifts, but it’s practical and all the more so now that my budget is limited. the hot chocolate with cream was as yum as the one in Wayne’s. Antti asked if i wanted the bigger soy sauce bottle, and i said no. last time i bought the bigger one and when it reached toward the end, it wasn’t as good as at the beginning. it was nice of him to ask though.

ヽ༼ ் ▽ ் ༽╯

ヽ༼ ் ▽ ் ༽╯

one important thing is that when i said my mind these days would be all about job and money, he coolly referred me to places to check and people to ask. no question, no judging, straight to the point, useful tips. i really appreciate that.

. there was this one person whom this quote is for:

“I could miss you, and that’s a liability.”

— Marty McConnell

it wasn’t going anywhere back then, would it be any different now? … i should invest my energy to something else, not over-think this.

. Song Jae Rim and Kim So Eun look so well together. when they look at each other, when their hands knit, my heart melts.

like many others, i also wish for them to become a couple in real life. but i mean, it’s still a show. i read a comment somewhere saying So Eun should stop playing hard to get, which i actually disagree. in my eyes, she responds well to Jae Rim’s cheesiness and overwhelming intimate actions. Jae Rim is passionate and attractive, but from the beginning, So Eun was already wondering whether he really liked her or it was just his nature. and again, it’s a show. if it were me, i would guard my heart, i wouldn’t want to fall for it. if So Eun fell for him for real and he was just being like that for the sake of the show, what would she be left with? i sincerely wish for them the best, but at the same time i need to keep ‘the show’ thought in mind. really, i hope Jae Rim is true for her.

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. i didn’t sleep very well yesterday…

. another rejection letter arrived. it was sadder than usual since it was a company i really liked. an international environment with a chance to improve Finnish, and my qualifications seemed to fit well, so i thought i would be able to contribute to the team… but well, if they thought we wouldn’t be a good match, what can i do :)

i also created an account on Elance. if offline doesn’t work out, let’s see if online does. clearly from the first glance, there are companies i want to apply to and some don’t appear very professional or trustworthy. it usually seems that companies have the upper hands, but i think it should be both ways. only when the company is worth working for, the employees would perform their best.

. unexpectedly, the snow was falling, quietly… it was the end for a chain of gloomy days – no sunshine, no snow, just a heavy layer of gray cloud. gradually i realized why people said November is the gloomiest month of the year. it’s okay. i still love you, dear.

♡

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. “Have courage, and be kind. Where there is kindness, there is goodness. And where there is goodness, there is magic.” (x)

. #nostalgic #lostthenfound ༼☯﹏☯༽

. “how to know if they like you by Myers Briggs: INFJ~ You don’t know and never will” (x) ahahahaha lol no it would be quite obvious actually.

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kindness.

kindness.

i met an old couple in Lidl today. the man dropped this 5€ so i picked it up, ran after them to give it back. he was surprised, “is it possible?”, and went through his pockets to check. i said “yes, it’s yours” and waited for him. he took it and after a second he asked, “are you a student?”. it was then my turn to be surprised, but i was asked that question rather often so i said yes without really consider much, nearly added “HAMK:issa” at the end, lol. then he gave it to me. he said something about Finnish people. i didn’t know what else to say but thank them a lot until we parted (it was short between two doors anyway), to him and then to the woman who went ahead and came back maybe to check why it took him so long.

everything happened fast and i was tearing up on the way back. i had been frustrated the whole day (although i still did Anki for Finnish practice as scheduled), wondering what i could do to break away from this situation. i had wondered whether i had a place in this land at all, no matter how much i love it. then this happened and it felt like a pat with a smile, “hang in there, don’t be dispirited”. right? continue on. courage.

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.

pretty nail polishes. autumn and winter.

pretty nail polishes. autumn and winter.

.

Sakura-chan and Li-kun. ep 17.

Sakura-chan and Li-kun. ep 17. first time really talked to each other. at the beach. under the starry starry sky. this episode was also the first time they acknowledged each other better.

. Saving General Yang was :'(  i enjoyed watching it, just that it’s so heartbreaking :'(

. radio? podcast? hm…

. people were playing music and talking loudly somewhere in the neighborhood. making me miss the air in Lärkkulla. the fun. the energy. the young friendships…