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what happened already happened

there’s no need to dig deeper into it

she chose this so there wouldn’t be any discontentment when she went


you can’t save people, you can only love them


death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities

 ****

i woke up sad

the news hit me harder than i thought

the heavy air floating around the whole day

what a weird space

 

washed the fluffy indoor slippers

washed this, washed that

waited for the dripping sounds fade to silent

breathe in, breathe out

 

put on some make-up

mascara, cha cha tint, coralista blush and lip gloss

felt pretty

received some unexpected smiles

felt better

 

watched it’s okay that’s love last episode

suddenly, cried when davichi’s song came up

awesome ost is awesome

 

it’s you by neon bunny was long but good

its mv gave so many flashbacks and feels

the air is getting crispier

dusk gets dark at nine

forgive yourself at night, sweetheart – tumblr said

and commit every morning

 

the whole day thought about what shinji usually puts in her tag

i love you, please don’t die

i love you

please

don’t die

 

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You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. (x)

i just couldn’t believe it when i was informed about her funeral

stunned, confused

thought about the time when we ate “nem chua rán” and papparoti, walked on the streets of Hanoi, and she gifted me a small purse she made it herself…

death, death, death…

i could never get used to it

rest in peace, Ha Anh

or Hauts Arbres, like we used to know you…

"Can you please tell me the way back home?". Tree. A sunny day like this. You.

“Could you please tell me the way back home?”. Tree. A sunny day like this. You.

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. i just feel that there’s no need to look down a kind of music because it’s not true to its kind, or when it doesn’t fit your standard. if it makes you feel good, what else matters?

. the girl in Golden Bride has a very strange Vietnamese, sometimes i have to rely on English subtitles to understand what she says. i also realize there are many people i know are in there, like Heechul from Super Junior, Choi Yeo Jin who was also in I’m Sorry I Love You, Kyeon Mi Ri who was in Dae Jang Geum, even one person from Goong, and some others whose faces are very familiar but i can’t think of specific drama names yet. this drama puts me in a strange space, some things are pleasant and some aren’t. it’s also a family weekend drama so like the one i’m translating, there are details that are over-dramatic but it’s kinda expected. it will take me a while to get used to. apparently this drama was so popular that it was extended by 14 episodes. Song Jong Ho doesn’t appear much, but i enjoy his acting every time he’s on screen. have a bit of dilemma when it comes to scenes where he acts lovey-dovey with his pair though, ha ha.

screencap ep 3.

screencap ep 3. love his manly and firm posture and frame.

. talked to my family today as usual. Thai Binh already knew how to flip over. whenever he’s put on the surface, he will do it. my sister said it’s his passion these days, ha ha. he doesn’t know how to flip back yet though, despite all the effort of kicking in the air and crawling on his tummy and turning some 90° on the surface, which frustrates him. oh babies, such wonders. when i was with him back then, he couldn’t even turn his head yet.

baby Christophe Thai Binh, who can raise his head very high now. photo taken by my mom.

baby Christophe Thai Binh, who can raise his head very high now. he still has that bubble with green handle toy with him, i used to use it to divert his attention from crying ^^ and look at his legs, so chubby and cute!! photo taken by my mom.

. the weather was nice today, not too cold and still sunny. love love love it.

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. I met Maria on the way to Lidl, saw Harri in Lidl, and saw a person I think is Zhang Kaiyu in S. This last person, I saw already one time when I was going to the center and he was jogging toward me to the opposite direction. Usually I can recognize people quite well and that time I already thought he might be Zhang Kaiyu. And he also smiled at me. But I wasn’t sure. Same thing happened this time. I mean, is he Zhang Kaiyu? Kaiyu was Kiwi’s boyfriend back then and we were doing the strawberry-picking job together, then the last time I heard about him was that he was at some city setting up a restaurant. During the “strawberry” time, 5 of us lived together in the same house and we were quite nice with each other. Although we weren’t extremely close or anything (of course I was closer to Kiwi and us two don’t even keep in contact now), I was kind of thinking he would have said or asked something actually if he’s really Kaiyu (back then Kaiyu talked to people a lot in a very relaxed and happy manner). But I wasn’t sure and he only smiled, so I was left all confused. Or is he not Kaiyu, he was just being friendly because he thought I might be Chinese? I’m like, do I know you or do I not know you? Confused Chi is so confused.

. Song Jong Ho fever hasn’t died down yet. I’m going to watch another drama he was in. Its main name is Golden Bride. It’s also known as Bride from Vietnam. (Surprised? ~~) Seems like he’s the second lead and it has in total of 64 episodes, but well… Lol, I can be very funny when I like something/someone.

. I forgot to mention in the previous post that I actually paid attention to John Park more because he chose IU’s My Old Story to be in his personal playlist. His way of describing how he liked the way she conveyed the song’s emotion, and that he believed IU might look cute outside but she must have more than that, was very cute itself. And the part when he said “So it’s sad”. It really boosted up my fondness of him.

I also got to know that he was invited to be a guest for IU’s encore solo concert in 2012. Seems like it’s always easier for me to remember and pay attention more to Korean artists if they are related to IU. But no it’s not the only reason. Really, I wouldn’t look twice if his song wasn’t good. Attention was one thing, having interest is another level. I do like “U”.

U – John Park

I’m not a big fan of the MV, but I do like the song and his voice a lot, especially when he reaches high notes. I think it has very nice contrast with his low voice, they blend in harmoniously.

I heard that he decided to not perform this song on stage, which is a pity but at the same time understandable. Usually I like watching things live, it makes me feel the emotions of the moment, but I remember one time I was watching a music show online during IU’s Red Shoes promotion, and I definitely didn’t like it. One song rushing after another, glamorous and all, but it lacked the feel. It was either emotionless, or way too bubbly which felt rather fake. After that, I decided to just watch the performances separately, one by one later, to wholly absorb everything and appreciate it all. I suppose maybe he thought the same and didn’t want to ruin the feeling the song has?

Talking about John Park, I actually didn’t know much about him. Some people reminded me that he appeared on Running Man, only then I remembered ah yeah he and Kwang Soo made another pair of “dumb and dumber” brothers. It’s only for the fun of the show. He’s cute. What I remember more is another show in which he made me laugh a lot, then some other people said that he’s funny and he should come to shows more often, then he said yes please do invite me more. He appeared to be quite eager to do things and want to communicate with others. I like to see him, he has a pleasant vibe of appearance.

Additional information, ohla also told me that she knew him from American Idol. What’s more? His profile says that he’s same age as I am, and today is his birthday! Happy birthday, John Park!

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. Song Jong Ho fever is still going on so I’ve made 2 gif-sets today. Really, couldn’t help. He’s also in The Fugitive of Joseon with many other actors and actresses I know which makes me think of watching it, then it came to me that I don’t think I want to watch him being in love with another person in another drama (ha ha), so that’s that. (My iPod is randomly putting on She’s Not Me by Zara Larsson, lol, funny coincidence).

. Finishing translating another episode the other day was quite an achievement. I think it had about 300 more lines compared to the previous one, and the dialogue was harder to translate. I was very happy and left a huge sigh of relief after I sent it to the person in charge. Sometimes I wonder whether it’s worth it to put so much effort into something that doesn’t provide me back any real value. I get to crack my brain and practice my translating skills, but do I really need it? They do “pay” me but it isn’t real money, just virtual currency there that can’t feed me in any ways. Well… I will continue at least for now. I hope people appreciate our effort. Things that look flawless and easy don’t come from easy work.

. Usually realize I’m in a dream but today only the gentle breezy air of the morning let me know that I was asleep.

. About a week ago I finished reading Eleanor&Park. Thinking about it again, I wouldn’t go as far as not recommending it, but it certainly didn’t make it to my favorite list. I wouldn’t even want to read it again. (spoilers ahead)

Continue reading

The Princess’ Man (or Shin Myeon’s appreciation post)

*This is not a review, just my personal feeling. Spoilers ahead.


I finished The Princess’ Man. I originally watched it because of Moon Chae Won, but the more I watched, the more I felt for Song Jong Ho’s character – Shin Myeon.

screencap ep 5.

screencap ep 5.

He was somehow familiar but only later on when I looked up about him, I got to know that he was in Reply 1997. I honestly wouldn’t want to be cool or anything for taking up the unpopular opinion, just that Reply 1997 didn’t move me and I watched it simply because of the hype. Everybody was praising it, people said it was good, and I thought okay let’s give it a try and that was that. I supposed it all came down to personal taste, occasionally I found myself liking the things many others do. Anyway, I didn’t remember much after watching this drama.

In The Princess’ Man however, he was the main reason I followed it through. The previous time when I struggled because I felt a lot more for the second lead than the lead one must be Autumn in My Heart, but I watched it too long ago and didn’t watch it again so it didn’t bother me anymore. This one was new and I could say it was quite a heartache to watch him trying in vain to get the girl. I knew he would have wanted to protect the girl when he saw her cry a couple of times. I knew he would have developed feelings for her when her father suggested they join in conjugal ties. Certainly I knew it when his gaze started changing when he looked at her, watching her and thinking how good it would be if this fine girl were to be his wife. It was lovingly warm and gentle. Then gradually it was filled with sadness and anguish. He didn’t choose the path that others would expect him to, but it was for his father and future wife. And he had feelings for her. It pained me to see him desperately tried and tried again, looking at her right in front of him but yet so faraway, trying the best he could to protect her and please her but all he received back was more and more anger. Nobody stopped and sincerely asked him why he did the things he did. Everyone was busy blaming and pouring anger on him. He got an arrow shot to his shoulder, the girl he loved and his closest friend were there but nobody bothered to be worried for him. He was so sad, so lonely… Sometimes I couldn’t help but feel like reaching out to hug him, or hold his hands. I don’t know, something, just to ease his pain. Or yell at them, enough, that’s enough, he’s hurt enough. Maybe if there was some warmth, sympathy, sincerity going his way instead of raging up and in the end every one would just hurting more and more, something would have changed?

And Moon Chae Won’s character… She did a wonderful job to portray a small and fragile lady on the outside but strong-spirited inside, not afraid to fight for what she thought was right and stood by it. Just that, it bothered me how she dealt with her family. Certainly her father did wrong, but she seemed to cut ties with everyone else in the family as well. When her brother was so sick he was going to die, she was the only person he continuously wished to meet, but would she have come if the troupe agreed with the guy she loved to bring her together with them? It reminded me of the time when my sister said, how strange it is that a stranger would step into your life and suddenly become the most important person in the world, your family wouldn’t matter anymore. How strange it is… And how difficult it is to bear and give birth to a child, to raise and nurture him/her to grow up healthy and become a decent person, all those efforts for so many years. Your whole life attach to them then suddenly, nothing matters. I know nobody belongs to anyone. Each person is a separate individual, but shouldn’t relationships by blood somehow be different?

Well, anyway. I think I have a little crush on Song Jong Ho’s character – Shin Myeon. Now that I remember a bit more, I think I did like his character in Reply 1997, just that it was like just any other characters in any other dramas that I would like a little bit then it would naturally fade away. Shin Myeon left a stronger impression. How should I say? Manly? I didn’t think he was handsome at first, but I came to like his longing gaze, his voice, also his unique lips, and the strong aura of his appearance as well as emotions. I came across another one-episode TV drama and watched it because of him. In that, I like his way of holding the girl’s face by both hands, wiping her tears, then suddenly kissed her. And the kiss at the end, too. Made me all fluttered.

I know I sound like a teenager, fangirling all over a fictional character and a person on screen. But well, as usual, can’t control my feelings. And I kinda like it, although it does make me feel emotionally drained. Apparently there’s a good reason why I’m single. I’m scared of how intense my emotions are, both for joy and for pain. If I’m in a relationship, I will be tired and make the other person tired, too.

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in my dream last night, a man gave me a sky full of stars

“here you are”

it started on tips of the fingers

then spread out like waves

up

up

up

twinkling tiny little stars

on a field of velvet deep-blue sky with a hint of green that reminded me of northern lights

floating like in an animation

finding myself watching in a sense of surprise

“thank you

it’s beautiful

beautiful”

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. So now I know that RiSe was in Running Man. She was paired with Kwang Soo and I kinda liked watching her although I didn’t know who she was. I mean, there were so many people appearing in Running Man, sometimes I knew beforehand who they were but sometimes I might know them later on depending on whether or not I saw or heard about them on other occasions. This time, I’m reminded of RiSe on the day she passes away. Previously I was pretty sad and also cried when reading about EunB passing away, I knew RiSe was in critical condition – 9 hours of surgery, 4 days of being unconscious, and 3 times stopped breathing – but it didn’t occur to me that I knew her on another level. I watched her smiles, I watched her laughs when she was still alive. The attachment is stronger than looking at the photo of a person who I don’t have any encounters with before, although it’s already as devastating as it is when I know a human being passes away. Rest in peace, EunB and RiSe. My deepest condolences to your families. Stay strong, Ladies’ Code.

. On a brighter note, Sam seemed to be having lots of experiences on his first Mid-Autumn Festival in Vietnam. They organized it in his school in which he was the smallest class according to age range. They had some performances but he cried when he got to the stage, so he was in a corner near the audience with his mom/my sister when his friends were dancing. Then today my sister and Pierrick took him to Vietnam Museum of Ethnology since they had some traditional games for children. In the evening, the neighborhood also had an event with some dragon dance around the street or something. Oh and before all these, a couple of days ago my mom took him to Hanoi old streets to buy traditional toys for this festival. He also had the kind of white moon cake in fish shape at some point, and I heard that he turned it to a lump of flour not long after. Christophe Thai Binh got bigger but still quite small, and he was only easy with his mom/my sister. My mom said Pierrick said he could be considered as my sister’s toy, he let her flipping him around and whatever but he would be quite grumpy with other people. They could play with him during the day, but the evenings were exclusively for his mom, he wouldn’t be very pleased to be in anyone else’s hands. Oh children. Troubles and fun and cuteness at once.

. The weather was sunny and warm this week here. It made me feel blissful every time I went out.

just some yellow leaves among the green ones for a while now.

just some yellow leaves among the green ones for a while now.

I received some more rejection letters. When I continued reading Quiet some days ago, my mind got stick to the phrase “unnatural rah-rah version of myself” and wondered whether I should do something else for my cover letters. If anything, I suppose I would want to write “I consider kindness as my most valuable trait, I have patience for people and for learning new things”. But nobody asked about kindness. Which reminded me about an article I read a while ago about some inconvenient truths, that people wouldn’t care about whether you’re kind or not, it would be whether you can do the job or not. And another article about if a company is in the phrase where they need to choose between a person who’s highly talented and another who’s less talented but more hard-working to lay-off, they would choose to keep the second one. Well, all the confusions. I wouldn’t dare to claim to be more talented or more hard-working than anyone, just that… I’m capable of doing things. Learning whatever I need to do until I’m comfortable of doing those and improve from that, with all the things I learned and experienced before, I know I’m capable just like anyone else if given the chance. But, will there be a place that accepts me here? We were told that Finland needs foreigners, and I was told that my observant and quiet personality as an introvert would be valued especially for Finns… Maybe not quite so in reality?

On the side note, I’m thinking about probably trying to get a job for a radio channel. I know a lot about K-pop by now, and I kind of want to let people know that K-pop is more than Gangnam Style by Psy, or The Boys by Girls’ Generation. They’re good, there’s just more.

. It’s Okay That’s Love was coming to the end. Episode 14 was quite sad, which was expected to any dramas when it came to the end. I liked Gong Hyo Jin’s acting. I also came back to continue watching The Princess’ Man. Recently I had the feeling that I should watch/know/listen to as many things as possible before I know more than I should, since apparently knowing about the scandal of the main lead led me to not be able to absorb the emotions of the drama. All the time I was criticizing Park Shi Hoo’s character, screaming in my head to Moon Chae Won’s character “Don’t love him!!”. I shipped her character with the second lead, which made it hard to watch. Gonna be so heartbreaking, gah ~

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morning sunlight

morning sunlight

last night i dreamed of being in a marriage

we were in two rooms though, it wasn’t a happy marriage that we dream of when we get into one

don’t know why i didn’t feel bad

met a person

strange feelings

when i woke up, i felt rather light

the mood went up and down several times during the day

got to know about ladies’ code tragic car accident, eunb passed away and two others in critical condition

remember being impressed by one of their songs a while ago

received email from student affair office and the course they mentioned seemed interesting

an unexpected bill came

cleared up the mailbox a little bit and realized they didn’t get it wrong, just me being forgetful in the midst of too many things, so no need to argue

continued reading eleanor&park

kept thinking “what will happen to them? please let them be together”

cheesy at times, but it’s been a nice read nonetheless

felt pretty

stepped outside to feel the warm air, held onto summer for as long as possible

it touched me when people came together to make eunb’s lifelong wish came true

and the song with its lyrics “Today I cry, I wish you happiness forever, good bye” and “It’s okay to think of me once in a while and smile”

really brought tears to my eyes

death is something we could never, ever get used to